In order to get what you want in life, you will have to maximize your psychology! According to Tony Robbins, getting what you want is 80% psychology and 20% strategy.
You could have the best plan to get the goal you are after but if you aren’t doing the do, it’s coming from a place of broken psychology and mindset.
We all make decisions in our lives, both good and bad for 6 basic needs we are looking to meet. The order of the 6 are based on your belief blueprint so they will rank differently depending on the person. This blog post was inspired by Tony Robbins talk at a conference I attended. He taught me these 6 needs and now I want to share them with you all!
We are born with these 6 needs and continue to make different decisions based on our values and depending on which need ranks highest. Where do you see yourself getting your needs met? How’s it working for you? If you aren’t getting what you want out of life, see if you can identify where you are thriving and where you are struggling.
1. Certainty- is a survival instinct that you can have comfort and not pain. People who rank certainty as really high on their list tend to not want to take on much risk. Two people with the same opportunity in front of them, one may decide if they follow it they will certainly do well. The other gets their certainty by saying if I follow it I’m certain to fail so I won’t even start. The blueprint of belief is what will determine their certainty. In both situations they are meeting their need for certainty. But one is violating their values and what may be good for them, in order to remain certain that they won’t fail. We have all violated our values from time to time in order to remain certain. How many of you have ever lied, but actually consider yourself to be an honest person? We will lie in order to keep in tact the need for certainty of love with someone else. Meeting our needs over our values is so powerful that it causes some people to actually give up their dreams. Take smoking and eating for example. Overeating when done repeatedly gives someone the certainty that they will feel less stress, although long term it might cause disease, in the short term they violate their values to meet a basic need. Smokers tend to take long deep breaths when they smoke or vape. This slower breathing coupled with nicotine helps ease anxiety for most people. They are meeting a basic need, yet possibly cause friction in relationships or harm to their body. People who like certainty also tend to like fad diets or things that will be a quick fix. They may be certain they will reach their goal by doing XYZ diet but often find they can’t sustain the goal long term. It’s an attainable goal but not sustainable. This is why if you are a certainty seeker you will need to fall in love with the process of habit change that will eventually allow you to attain your goal in a sustainable way. It may take a long time to do it and will take you way out of your comfort zone, but gaining certainty about the process will get you there.
2. Uncertainty- God in His infinite wisdom knew that certainty would need an exact opposite in order to produce a zest for life. How bored would you be if you were certain about everything and everyone and in every circumstance you knew you could control it?? I don’t know about you but I thrive on the unknown. I’m an enthusiast for life and love challenge and surprise. People who rank uncertainty higher tend to value variety and the unknown. How do we get variety? We put ourselves in a position to meet new people, get out and enjoy life, read new books and take in new experiences. We can also set new and challenging goals, take on a project or start new conversations with people. The question is, are you going to get your variety in a positive way, a neutral or a negative way? You can take a drug and have certainty that it will cause you to act, think or feel different (variety). You have now just met two needs and are well on your way to addiction.
3. Significance- Fills the need to feel unique, special, and stand out in the world. Some people do this by over accomplishing or by having a big ass problem. But, on a smaller scale they might get a tattoo, buy a car or dress unique. There’s only two ways to be significant. Do something significantly unique and good, which takes risk of failure and if you fail, you may feel you’re not enough and the feeling of worthlessness follows. I know this one all too well as it’s my blueprint. I’m an overachiever, and my favorite flavor of suffering is to work hard enough, to be enough. Because deep down, if I don’t I won’t be loved. The fear of not being loved is a significant belief that is the undercurrent to overachievement and wanting to feel significant. The second way people try to gain significance is to always play the victim. This can surely get you attention at first but can burn bridges in the long term. It certainly doesn’t get you any closer to your goal and can burn bridges in the process. If you want significance in a way that is good for you and everyone else it’s important to know what belief is driving your ship. When you know what it is that is controlling your desire to feel significant you can work directly with that one thing. Awareness is key to understanding and changing your operating system.
4. Connection and Love- We were created beings to love and to want it in return. We were meant for connection, and most likely this is high on everyones needs list, whether they want to admit it or not. But those that have “arrived” at the significance level (need #3) in the way the world would determine is “high significance” might find that connection and love is missing because it’s based solely on popularity and not closeness with anyone. If someone is no longer significant in worldly terms we are taught that we don’t have love. But we can have both and we can have all 4 needs met up to this point. We just have to seek out loving relationships with others based in true abiding unconditional love. When you have found this, your significance automatically rises as well as certainty that love will remain intact regardless of what you do or who you become. If you don’t currently have this in your life you may find you are doing things or acting/behaving in a way that gains attention and “love” but again it’s attained, it’s not sustained. This is where mindset and belief shifts need to happen in order to attract people into your life that want you for you and not what you can give them. Try meeting new people, join a group that aligns with something significant to you. Get a dog if you need connection and love and you aren’t getting it from a person at the moment. There are multiple ways to gain connection and love, try the on the positive and neutral ones and leave the negative ones in the past. A new you is emerging.
The first 4 needs are required and you often attain these on a daily basis somewhere and someway. But if you are going to attain these 4 things at a high level of sustainability then you need to tap into your spiritual side and that is where needs 5 and 6 come from.
5. Growth- In order to be happy you have to grow! Relationships, business, intellect, etc all need to be growing or they are dying. You can seek growth by continuing daily to pay attention to this SIMPLE acronym. I call it taking your daily SIMPLE vitamins. Spirituality, Intellect, Mindfulness, Physical, Love/Relationships, and Eating Healthy. Pay attention to and tend to these 6 needs and your life will be growing/going in the direction of your dreams.
6. Contribution- In order to get to a place of contribution, you need to have gone through growth. It’s hard to give from an empty cup! Fill your cup daily with SIMPLE and you will find that eventually you have so much going for you that the only outward expression of abundance is to contribute. At least this is the healthy outward expression of abundance. If you have mastered every need area and you are operating at the highest level in all areas you have figured out the No Bad Days lifestyle and my secret to happiness on your own terms. I came up with SIMPLE and teach and train on it in my online programs. Fat Loss for the Busy Woman and Healthy Body Happy Mind.
What is success? A life lived on your own terms! How do you get all your needs met? You have to identify and be willing to face fears! You then have to work through them and take control over them. The first step is identifying which need you have let control your life up to this point. Love may be the #1 thing you value but in reality you have been living to meet significance as your #1 tool to get to love or you have worked hard to get certain love because you fear uncertainty. Certain love may be something you share with your children but it can lack intimacy if you value certainty with your spouse over uncertainty/variety, I.e spice of life. Don’t settle with a boring and certain life. We were meant to feel joy and if this isn’t a normal feeling for you than there is a problem or a need that is not being met and you need to go to work to meet that need in a healthy and constructive way that produces growth and contribution within you.
By the way, if you can meet 3 or more needs at the same time you will become addicted to whatever it is you are seeking or doing. Time will stand still and you will be in your zone. You will really deeply connect with what you are doing and love the process.
Try on my program Healthy Body Happy Mind! Jumping into a program with other women facing the same problems and setting similar goals meets the need for connection/Love (need #4), the program is set up to provide a clear outline for the content and what you are getting (certainty, need #1), but a little uncertainty mixed in about what to expect makes it fun and challenging. It also gives you an opportunity to “grow” mentally, intellectually and spiritually (need #5). During the 5 week course I challenge you to take what you are learning and share it with others. You will be amazed at the ripple effect your changes will make in the lives of those in your immediate circle of influence.
If you are curious about my new program and want to explore these mindset shifts I invite you to take a look at my 7 Revelations Video. At the end of the video is a special offer for the Healthy Body Happy Mind Course. Available for a limited time.
Here’s to a happier and healthier you!!